


What I couldn't Say

by HeDidCare



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: After the Fall, Andersons outrage, John Watson's Blog, John cant be found, John has a gun, John's deppression, John's suicidal intent, Johns Bloggin, Johns alone, M/M, Molly is annoying, Mrs. Hudson Ships It, Mycroft IS the British Government, Sherlocks oblivious, Suicide note by way of blog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-19
Updated: 2013-11-19
Packaged: 2018-01-02 01:31:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1050951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeDidCare/pseuds/HeDidCare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John cant speak his feelings, but give any man a mask - and they will tell you everything. In this case, John utilizes his blog....Much to everyones interest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What I couldn't Say

**Author's Note:**

> I had fun writing this, and I wanted to keep it short cause I usually do really long ones. A Nice change here.  
> Please let me know any critiques.  
> All belongs to BBC, so no credit to me. (Sigh.)  
> Possible triggers, So Be Careful if suicide is your thing.

Untitled, 16th June.

He was my best friend and I'll always believe in him. JW

It no longer matters, 25th December.

I have recently been going through all my old posts on here. I sound happy. Content. I am no longer. It's the 25th today. Statistically, more people commit suicide now than any other time. That's an interesting fact don't you think? I was going to delete this blog as it no longer matters. But I've decided to post once more. As has been widely broadcast, Sherlock My best friend is dead. That's what I want to talk about, His death and him. For a long time after that day - I would not allow myself to talk about him, with anyone. He was my friend - not theirs. But now, I want to tell you about him.

He was the greatest. He could tell when something was up, anything - from me having a bad day, to when a person had just been informed of their terminal disease or pregnancy. It was incredible, he was incredible. His mind. Something I know I will never see again - something so evolved and adept. Sure he didn't understand emotions, or so he proclaimed - but we often had sensitive moments. Moments where it was just me and him, and we were connected. I have never had that before - and I guarantee you he had not. These moments were what drew us closer together. Nothing could separate me from him, except the black meaningless pit of death he was consumed by.

I don't know why he killed himself. I know he had moments of extreme depression, but I helped him through those times - hence the yellow smiley face on the wall. I know I can never hope to understand why, but I will never stop trying. He was by far my best friend, the best man. Which brings me to the thing I really want to talk about.

I loved him. Sherlock Holmes. I was in love with him, I still am. I don't think I will ever be able to let him go. That's why I visit is grave each week. Tell him all my worries, and what I've been doing. I will never stop. I believe that he can hear, understand me. I no longer know what I'm doing. As I said earlier. It's Christmas day. It wont be a merry Christmas. There will never be another merry Christmas. I'm sitting in my new flat (I couldn't go back to Baker Street) and my gun is in my drawer. I have not yet made my mind up as to what I will do with it. Whether it will remain in the drawer or not. It contains just one bullet. My bullet.

I don't know whether this will be my last post. I hope not, but a depressed individual never knows i suppose.

I loved him, and he's gone. I should have listened to him.

Sentiment is a chemical defect found in the losing side. I'm losing.

It no longer matters, but Sherlock Holmes was loved.

COMMENTS:

JOHN! Stay there, I'm coming over! Mrs Hudson.

No Need, I'm fine. Stay with Mrs Turner and keep warm. It might actually snow tonight. John Watson.

Honestly, this is crap! Why post all this soppy stuff on Christmas? I thought you were straight! Cooper Anderson.

Shut the Fuck up Anderson! John, come round for a pint to cheer up, or I'll send a squad car for you? Gregory Lestrade.

No, I'm fine. Leave it. John Watson.

John,

John, I'm so glad you can talk about it now. I know you've said no so far, but how about I come over, you really don't sound good right now! Molly Hooper.

Its fine Molly, and sorry I love him. I know you did too. John Watson.

It's fine. Me and Gregory are going well! Molly Hooper.

Your with Lestrade? Congratulations John Watson.

Molly! Gregory Lestrade

Sorry, it was supposed to be a secret, but its been a month now. Molly Hooper.

John, I'm sending the car round. You will get in it. Mycroft Holmes.

No. Pointless anyway, I'm not actually at the apartment. I'm elsewhere. you wont find me. Tonight is my decision. But it is nice talking to you all about Sherlock. He was the best. John Watson.

I will find you John, I owe it to my brother. Mycroft Holmes.

I may be able to give him your regards by the end of the night :) John Watson.

You should not talk like that! tell us where you are! Molly Hooper

                                                                                                 JOHN WATSON HAS SIGNED OUT

John. Don't do it.

I'vefound you, closed cafe on Amble boulevard.

I love you. I'm coming in.

I've always loved you. Sherlock Holmes.

What the Fuck? Cooper Anderson

John! Unlock the door! Sherlock Holmes.

Is that really you lovie? Mrs Hudson.

YOU PRICK! DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO JOHN?! Molly Hooper.

JOHN! OPEN THE DOOR, IT IS ME Sherlock Holmes.

IM SO SORRY JOHN. Sherlock Holmes.

PLEASE OPEN THE DOOR, IM BEGGING YOU. Sherlock Holmes.

Sherlock, My men are on their way to help with the door, pick up your phone! Mycroft Holmes.

Nice to have you back, how the hell did you do it?!? Gregory Lestrade

           

               GREGORY LESTRADE, MOLLY HOOPER, COOPER ANDERSON, MYCROFT HOLMES, AND MRS HUDSON, HAVE BEEN BLOCKED FROM COMMENTING.

 

John, Please come back to me. I love you. From Angelo's. Please! Sherlock Holmes.

                                                                                                               JOHN WATSON HAS SIGNED IN

Did you block the others from commenting? John Watson.

Obviously. Please John, let me in, I love you and I need you and I'm so Sorry. Sherlock Holmes.

You better come in then, and you better be fucking naked cause there will be punishment first - and questions later. John Watson.

God I love when you talk dirty, you do it sometimes without realizing, and when you lick your lip... fuck. Hurry up and unlock the door!!! Sherlock Holmes.

                                                                                                              JOHN WATSON HAS SIGNED OUT

                                                                                                          SHERLOCK HOLMES HAS SIGNED OUT

DECEMBER 26 COMMENTS

You guys are disgusting! Cooper Anderson.

Would you like me to have Anderson Assassinated? I would be happy to do it. Congratulations to the both of you, although I'm deducing you wont see these for a few days... Mycroft Holmes

 

 

 

 

 

Fucking, 30th December

No longer will have time for my blog. However, I can report that Sherlock has been duly punished - as have I apparently. He will be doing a press release later today due to his imminent return, so he can explain his survival to you then. Thanks for being a part of this blog, but its time for me to move on - with Sherlock.

I Didn't kill myself, and I have Sherlock back - more so than ever. I must go.

Fucking awaits.

                                                                                                              JOHN WATSON HAS SIGNED OUT

                                                                                                               THIS BLOG HAS BEEN DISABLED

**Author's Note:**

> It was interesting writing this, because I hadn't really seen it done much before - so hopefully its a newer lease on John's possible admonition to Sherlock.  
> GO JOHNLOCK!  
> THE SHIP THAT SAILS ITSELF!


End file.
